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Satire: Pakistan to attract tourist with ‘Bayan by the beach’, ‘3D hoors’ & ‘below ankle tanning’: Someone named Khan

‘We can feed them those injected eggs Omelette too’ said a simpleton

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In a landmark development, a man has announced a project of promoting ‘Islamic beach tourism’. Addressing a wide audience of young at heart crowd, an energized man assured everyone that only he know what this terms meant. Having spent much of his younger days, in western civilization around the beaches, no one would put it beyond the man. So, yes can can on the beach Khan sahib!

Since, the great didn’t delve into a lot of detail, we believers could just read his mind. We are forwarding a list of activities which could pull tourist to the Bahria Town adjacent sea view like the Grand Canyon. Here are a few humble suggestions.

Bayan by the beach

Bayans are so hip these days. From Universities to TV channels there are everywhere. So why not have them on the beach? Like the 4 seasons, the great leader can allocate 1 day for each of the 72 firqas and we can all promote Islam, by the beach.

Below ankle tanning for women

Well, none knows women from our foreign colonial masters then the Khan. The man famous for being the most eligible bachelor and marrying some half his age once, sang to his all halal female friends:

“So tell me what you want, what you really, really want”

And they responded with

“I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha) I wanna, (ha)
I wanna really, really, really wanna below ankle tanning!”

That’s right! Pale western are being rejected by the superior male race, because their below ankles regions are not tanned. Gone are the days of full body tans. Now it’s time for only below ankle tans. What better place to do it, than hawks-bay wearing a ninja burqa and still getting ogled by desi men? If you are lucky you will be stopped by Sindh Police too. Is it a picnic if you don’t have to bribe an officer?

Salah, Taravehi and fish Sehri

Well, is there a month more commercialized than Ramadan? Perhaps there is. I don’t know, who has time to do research?

But for local vendors, there is no time like Ramzan. We can now rob them colonials by inviting them to a wonderful Sehri feast. You come for Isha prayer then offer Taravehi. Anyone trying to sneak out after 8 rakats, will be thrown to the non-existent sharks by Kemari. He’ll die by suffocating of one of the billions of polythene bags. After you are done with Taravehi, you can have some 1st class Sehri, provided you can catch and cook your own fish. Good luck with that.

3D illustration of burqa clad hoors

The pinnacle of all things religion in our country is the talk about hoors. Those sultry creatures created to start halal erotica. In post 25th July Pakistan, we’ll take to another level and provide vivid imagery of these hoors. Obviously, they won’t be titillating as they would also be covered by Ninja burqa. It’s a win for women empowerment and male fantasies.

Conclusion

For everyone, who has been cursing the great leader, they should know that he is still the poster boy for all women born in the 60s and crush of young girls whose have a thing for grand dads. With Islamic Beach Tourism and Eggonomics, the fortunes of this land will change and we will be able to declare that we won the 71 war too.

Howzat, umpire!

 

 

the authorAsjad Khan

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